Charles Bukowski, that old sweet-hearted grouch of a poet, once said, “Love is a dog from hell.” In honor of this, let’s break away from the felt-tinged plastic rose petals bought at the nearest convenience store and all the lovey-dovey shenanigans for a moment, shall we?
You can be honest. You’re probably dreading Valentine’s Day. Some of you may not roll your eyes at the mention of the holiday (including us, on account of the Baked Quince and red wine), but many are.
A few lighthearted laughs at the expense of others will mellow your heart and steel your strength! So check out our five biggest romance fails and be merry. Chances are, your Hallmark holiday probably won’t be as bad as these:
1.) The Strong Hand
We’ll start with the old proposal at a game – in front of thousands of strangers – how cliché. But Minnesota must be the wild west of proposal fails. Not only does the would-be bride reject her boyfriend, she slaps him! What could be worse than knowing a jumbo-sized you just got slapped by a jumbo-sized hand on a jumbo-sized screen? Hopefully someone bought this guy a jumbo-sized beer after that.
2.) Straight to Hell
Is this guy going to fall to sudden death before completing his proposal to his girlfriend of four years? The only fail here is actually the girl’s mouth, when she thinks her boyfriend just died in an office complex parking lot. You could host a Super Bowl in that cave. Seriously, she looks like a Wes Craven character. Other than that, this guy should look into stunt doubling. Jackie Chan would be proud.
3.) Food Court Fail
Watching a guy’s dreams get crushed under the weight of a “Sweet Caroline” rendition is tough – especially under the lights of a Sbarro. Like the onlooker said, “It’s all right, man.” Just head to the nearest Men’s Warehouse and you’ll be rolling in phone numbers. You’re gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it.
4.) Under… Where?
It’s only fitting that “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve would play as this star-crossed couple walk down the aisle. (Side note: Why is the groom even walking her? Isn’t that her dad’s job?) The hilarity that ensues is timeless. This one speaks for itself.
5.)Mr. Schrute’s Perfect Valentine’s Day
Lastly, Dwight from “The Office” doesn’t want you to enjoy your Valentine’s Day, but we do! Don’t let Dwight snag your reservation – check out our Valentine’s Day dinner specials and make your reservations early. Whether you’re proposing, experiencing first date jitters, or you just want a glass of Greek heritage, we at Estia will give you the hair off our backs to make sure you have a great night!
P.S. Just kidding about the hair…